Displaying 11 Posts written by Sue Johnson

Lockdown with Your Partner: A Wake-Up Call?

So now suddenly, you have time together. In fact, oceans of time! Does your heart leap at the thought of more time with your partner or does it begin to sink into doubt and despair? Joan tells me, “Me and Bob have had our problems, but facing this together is …

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Sheltering in Place – and Learning from COVID-19

The chant in my house when someone goes to leave is, “Stay 6 feet away – no closer than 6 feet.” The message everywhere has been that physical distancing is the only way to defeat this virus and the fear that comes along with it. But we have other ways …

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The Message of Marriage Story Works – Everyday!

The recent Netflix film Marriage Story had its share of awards buzz this year, and deservedly so. It hits home because it shows all the nuances of an unravelling bond. There are the rituals of care that any two lovers develop over time, for example her cutting his hair and …

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In This Crucial New Decade, Relationships Matter as Always

New decade, new beginnings, new journeys. Everyone seems to agree that the new decade will be crucial for the ecology of our planet, for democracy, and for human rights. Should we be weeping and wailing for a divided and disintegrating world, or dancing on into the ever-expanding century and its …

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Touch and Tango… In a Feminist World

As someone who loves to dance Argentine Tango, I was drawn to this this recent article in the New York Times about how feminists in Argentina are reshaping tango. Here is my take on the views expressed in this article about the patriarchal culture of Tango and issues like “How much touch is too much?”

First, PLEASE don’t let’s get all politically correct and get vigilant about “touch” in tango. Tango is a CLOSE dance: you have to literally feel your partner’s body cues. If you want to avoid intimate touch, then best to choose another dance. That being said, in 15 years of dancing I have never experienced inappropriate touch on the dance floor anywhere in the world. After all, the dance floor is a very public place.

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A Meditation on Wedding Vows and the Meaning of Modern Commitment

Depending on where you live, it might be the height of wedding season. And I just heard that next year my son will be one of the ones getting married! As a relationship expert, I found myself thinking about what I would like to tell him and all the lovers …

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What the Sex Recession Tells Us about Today’s Sexual Landscape and Emotional Isolation

There was a fascinating article about the “Sex Recession” in the December 2018 edition of The Atlantic by Kate Julian. Apparently, in the age of sexual tolerance, Grindr and Tinder, and ubiquitous sexting, American teenagers and young adults are having less sex! Over the last twenty-five years, the percentage of high school …

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My Latest Book: Attachment Theory in Practice

I just read the amazing reviews for my new book for therapists and counsellors. It’s called Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with Individuals, Couples, and Families (January 2019). They are beyond positive, talking about how the book will have an impact on the field of therapy – …

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Emotional Labor and What’s Really Upsetting Women

There is a new book out by Gemma Hartley called Fed Up: Emotional Labor, Women and the Way Forward. Interesting! This labor is defined by Ms. Hartley as “unpaid invisible work we do to keep those around us comfortable and happy.” The point is, this labor is mostly considered women’s work and …

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Relationships Are Not Fluff and Flowers. They’re about Making Difficult Choices.

I spend my days planning research studies, proofing books, and giving talks, all on the topic of love relationships and how to understand and repair relationships. Today I suddenly realized: tomorrow is my 30thwedding anniversary! 30 years. How can this have happened? If, as bonding science says, we can reach …

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