• Sue-2014-MBGtalk-resized “Can love last forever through the ups and downs of life? Couples therapist Dr. Sue Johnson explains what it really takes to make a relationship work.”

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    Dr. Sue Johnson is a bestselling author, a clinical psychologist, Distinguished Research Professor, dynamic speaker, and a recognized innovator who has changed the field of couples therapy.

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  • Cover_love-sense_wr“A life-changing book! Dr. Johnson elucidates the science of love, convincingly demonstrating the underlying emotional logic of relationships. It will enrich the lives of all who read it.”
    Richard Lannon, MD. coauthor of A General Theory of Love

    (Published in the UK as The Love Secret)

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  • Hold Me Tight

    “A truly revolutionary, breakthrough book….the most important, valuable book for couples published in the 21st century.”
    Barry McCarthy, Ph.D. author of Getting It Right the First Time

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Dr. Sue Johnson


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Attachment and the Dance of Sex: Integrating Couple and Sex Therapy

NETWORKER SYMPOSIUM: FROM ATTACHMENT TO CREATIVITY / WASHINGTON DC.

– TEXT OF PLENARY BY DR SUE JOHNSON –

Attachment and the Dance of Sex – Integrating Couple and Sex Therapy  

We are just going to chat here a little about a couple of small topics – sex and love – and how to really put them together and make them work – in just 50 minutes or so! read more »

What small steps do you take to reduce stress in your relationship and boost your bond?

All the research from the last 30 years from the most potent therapy for relationship growth and recovery on this planet and the new research on building intimate bonds with partners says the same thing. To foster connection we need, not just to spend time together as companions, but to risk sharing softer deeper emotions and learning to hold each others feelings in a way that calms our nervous systems and gives us a felt sense of safe connection. In our research we call them Hold Me Tight Conversations. When partners can do this, a huge horizon of possibilities opens up for their relationship and for each person’s sense of confidence  – belonging leads to becoming.We are wired to thrive when we know that we can share our vulnerability with a precious other and the other can just be present and engaged – they just have to be there with us.

So Brett, rather than shutting down when he feels stung by a comment from Cali, takes a deep breath and turns Towards her rather than Away. He says, “ Heh, I really wanted you to see how hard I tried here – I so wanted to please you. I need your reassurance that you do see how I try.” As she responds warmly to this, he then shares the problems that are happening at work that make him feel “small”. Cali feels honored that he is risking and sharing and proud that she is the one  that can help him with these emotions. Then they share the differences between them and Brett’s problems are work suddenly seem unimportant.

These moments spark a sense of safety and love in our brains – they are coded as “HOME”. Everyone wants to come home to someone, and science is showing us how to do it.

 

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"This is a fascinating, paradigm-shifting book, impressive in its scope and depth and staggering in its implications for us all. It is a giant leap forward. It is also a great, fun read - enjoy!"

- Dr. Drew Pinsky on Love Sense

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"Attachment lives deep in primordial pathways in the brain. And Johnson’s impressive work at commandeering this brain system to rehabilitate failing partnerships is an important contribution to those lost in the thicket of unhappy pair-bonding". - on Love Sense

- Dr. Helen Fisher, New York Times Sunday Book Review

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"Romantic love is not the least bit illogical or random. It is the continuation of an ordered and wise recipe for survival. We now have a map that can guide us in creating, healing and sustaining love. This is a consummate breakthrough.”

- Dr. Sue Johnson



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