Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually an ordered and wise recipe for survival. The need for connection is our first and most primary instinct. Drawing on groundbreaking research, LOVE SENSE reveals that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child; emotional interaction with partner buffers us from stress and makes us stronger in the face of life’s challenges; touch and intimacy spurs the growth of mirror neurons, which help us “read” and respond to our partners; and a good relationship is the best recipe for happiness and good health and a powerful antidote to aging. Dr. Sue Johnson, creator of the remarkably successful Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, explains how to develop “love sense”—the ability to build long-lasting relationships.
LOVE SENSE opens the door to the revolutionary new science of emotional bonding. It empowers you with the confidence and tools to craft make-or-break moments and weather the key stages in your relationships. Dr. Johnson outlines the three basic strategies for handling your attachment needs and fears, and offers fresh insight into the link between sex and emotional bonding. Learning how to enhance or repair the bond with your partner no longer has to be a matter of guesswork. Told in Dr. Johnson’s reassuring voice, LOVE SENSE presents practical, accessible advice on building more intimacy, safety, and trust; coping with separation distress, loss, and forgiveness; and strengthening your safe-haven relationship to ensure a lifetime of love. It will change the way you think about love.
International and Translated Versions
This book offers a revolutionary new way to see and shape love relationships. The stories, new ideas and exercises offered in Hold Me Tight are based on the new science of love and the wisdom of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), an effective new model developed by Dr. Johnson.
EFT is a short-term, structured approach to marital and couples therapy. Empirical research has supported the effectiveness of EFT, showing that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and about 90% show significant improvements (the best results of any couple therapy) and evidence shows that these positive effects last over time. Currently EFT is being used with diverse couples from various cultures around the world in private practice, university training centers and hospital clinics.
What Is Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT)?
The message of EFT is simple: Forget about learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions. Instead, recognize and admit that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in much the same way that a child is on a parent for nurturing, soothing, and protection. EFT focuses on creating and strengthening this emotional bond by identifying and transforming the key moments that foster an adult loving relationship.
• EFT has an astounding 70 – 75% success rate and results have been shown to last, even in the face of significant stress.
• EFT is recognized by the American Psychological Association as empirically proven.
Hold Me Tight presents a streamlined version of EFT. It walks the reader through seven conversations that capture the defining moments in a love relationship and instructs how to shape these moments to create a secure and lasting bond. Case histories and exercises in each conversation bring the lessons of EFT to life.
Seven Transforming Conversations:
Recognizing Demon Dialogues—In this first conversation, couples identify negative and destructive remarks in order to get to the root of the problem and figure out what each other is really trying to say.
Finding the Raw Spots—Here, each partner learns to look beyond immediate, impulsive reactions to figure out what raw spots are being hit.
Revisiting a Rocky Moment—This conversation provides a platform for de-escalating conflict and repairing rifts in a relationship and building emotional safety.
Hold Me Tight—The heart of the program: this conversation moves partners into being more accessible, emotionally responsive, and deeply engaged with each other.
Forgiving Injuries—Injuries may be forgiven but they never disappear. Instead, they need to become integrated into couples’ conversations as demonstrations of renewal and connection. Knowing how to find and offer forgiveness empowers couples to strengthen their bond.
Bonding Through Sex and Touch—Here, couples find how emotional connection creates great sex, and good sex creates deeper emotional connection.
Keeping Your Love Alive—This last conversation is built on the understanding that love is a continual process of losing and finding emotional connection; it asks couples to be deliberate and mindful about maintaining connection.
Hold Me Tight has now been translated in 19 other languages (Dutch, Spanish, Taiwanese Chinese, Chinese, Finnish, French, German, Hungarian, Italian, Korean, Norwegian, Polish, Portuguese, Swedish and is in press in Danish, Greek, Japanese, Lithuanian, Russian and Turkish).
Dr. Johnson has created and produced two DVDs based on her book Hold Me Tight, Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. For more information click here
Dr. Johnson has also developed a Relationship Education and Enhancement program entitled “Hold Me Tight®: Conversations for Connection”. Hold Me Tight Couples Workshops
International and Translated Versions
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