Thoughts on Father’s Day

Father’s Day is always poignant for me because I was blessed with a wonderful, exceptional Dad. So I always want to deeply thank men like my dad, Arthur Driver, who never read a book on parenting, and not many books on anything at all… and so he and men like him followed their heart and gave their children courage and strength. 

Maybe if I am honest, I especially give a nod to the fathers who take care to give their daughters the message that they are valued – valued perhaps more than traditional society’s rules dictate.

My father’s belief in me shaped my life – it’s as simple as that.

In a working-class town in Britain in the late 1950’s, most parents schooled their daughters to be realistic – that is, to aspire to marrying a nice bloke, maybe one class up from theirs, and living a “comfy” life in a semi-detached house with a big television. This was the universal hope for me expressed by every adult relative I knew.

But my father’s smile opened a door to a much bigger vision.

When I disagreed with almost everyone and anyone (meaning that I was “impolite”), my father’s grin would go from ear-to-ear. When the Conservative Member of Parliament came to a local event and mouthed patronizing misogynist platitudes at me in the meet-and-greet line-up, my Dad leaned forward and whispered to him, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

I proceeded to challenge that MP’s every remark, of course. My dad loved it.

When I announced that I had won a scholarship to go to university, this news was met with a resounding silence at that family gathering, followed by my Uncle Harold whispering, “Bloody stupid idea – book learning for girls.” It was a little dismaying. But again, my dad was beaming at me. He told me that I could do anything and go anywhere I wanted to go. And I adored him and believed him.

As I say in my writings, belonging leads to becoming.

He taught me to deal with fear, to believe in myself and when I acted out. He asked me questions and told me stories. I remember one that went, “If you had a very precious daughter, and she stayed out till 2 AM with a new boyfriend who had a fast car and very little sense, what might you want to say to her?” I never did it again. 

At least not the fast-car, middle-of-the-night bit!

He gave me the confidence to take on the world when that world offered a very limited view of what women could and should do.

Parenting is the hardest challenge, especially if we grew up derived of any such thing. My father grew up in a two-room rural cottage with 8 other siblings, and his dad regularly walloped his kids across the head with a long stick from the head of the supper table.

How did my Dad do parenting so differently? I don’t know.

All I know is that, he went against all his history and cultural norms, and he saw me – his rebellious, intense, and passionate daughter, and gave her exactly what she needed to grow, to reach out, and to fulfill her dreams. Love brings out the best in us.

May all the fathers in the world find it in their hearts to be able to SEE their children and value them as they are, as individuals, and respond to their needs. Especially for the children who are discounted or find themselves and their dreams constricted by conventional society’s edicts. 

Fathers can change the world!