“As veterans of all manner of ‘fix your relationship’ strategies, this was the only method that’s worked for both of us and shifted us from our entrenched reactions.”
Flic Everett, U.K. Daily Mail
Any researcher knows that, if you aspire to be an ‘objective’ scientist, you are not allowed to be passionately impressed by your own research. I am now going to break that rule. (more…)
Tags: attachment, bonds, brain, connection, couple, couples, EFT, emotion, emotionally focused therapy, family, fight, happy, Love, marriage, relationship, research, science, study, therapist, therapy
There are only so many dances in a love relationship.
The happier we are, the more fluid and varied the dance with our partner is. We feel safe together so we improvise and play.
But do you notice that, when we fight, the dance is always the same? It is narrow – small – not many moves. We feel like we have no options. The negative pattern takes over the relationship.
Tags: abandoned, advice, attachment, bored, conflict, connect, couples, couples therapy, dissatisfaction, EFT, emotional, emotionally, emotionally focused couple therapy, emotionally focused therapy, feelings, fight, forgiveness, help, hurt, lonely, Love, loved, loving, marriage, pain, painful, partner, pattern, psychology, rejected, rejection, relationship, relationship education, repair, safe, secure, security, sex, sexual, stress, stuck, therapist, therapy, trust, understand, vulnerability, vulnerable
Marriage makes a difference to your brain – and the safety of your world.
We live in a co-habiting world. Many of us do not even bother to walk down the aisle anymore. So my neuroscientist colleague Jim Coan’s recent finding that our brains make a real distinction between formal marriage and living together in terms of how we deal with danger and threat is totally fascinating. (more…)
Tags: attachment, bonding, brain, calms, co-habiting, commitment, connection, couple, danger, distress, EFT, emotional, emotionally focused therapy, fear, freedom, hold me tight, living together, Love, marriage, neruoscience, pain, partner, relationship, responsive, safety, science, secure, stress, therapist, threat
Sometimes …
A song just gets to you. You find yourself humming it as you drive or make the coffee. “Say Something I’m giving up on you” by A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera has taken over my brain.
Tags: attachment, bond, caught, couple therapist, couple therapy, dangers, despair, disconnection, distancing, divorce, emotion, feelings, fight, help, helplessness, impact, isolation, lonely, Love, partner, prison, reaching, rejection, Relationships, response, risk, sad, safety, solution, therapist, withdrawal