A secure bond is NOT just feeling familiar with someone and knowing that you can turn to them when you are troubled and need support. A secure bond is deeper than this. (more…)
“The greatest gift one lover has to give another, is emotionally attuned attention and timely responsiveness.”
Dr. Sue Johnson
There are only so many dances in a love relationship.
The happier we are, the more fluid and varied the dance with our partner is. We feel safe together so we improvise and play.
But do you notice that, when we fight, the dance is always the same? It is narrow – small – not many moves. We feel like we have no options. The negative pattern takes over the relationship.
Tags: abandoned, advice, attachment, bored, conflict, connect, couples, couples therapy, dissatisfaction, EFT, emotional, emotionally, emotionally focused couple therapy, emotionally focused therapy, feelings, fight, forgiveness, help, hurt, lonely, Love, loved, loving, marriage, pain, painful, partner, pattern, psychology, rejected, rejection, relationship, relationship education, repair, safe, secure, security, sex, sexual, stress, stuck, therapist, therapy, trust, understand, vulnerability, vulnerable
In this New Year, fifteen years into the new century, I hope that in this year, we learn to deal better with (more…)
Tags: attachment, bond, closeness, connection, couple, distressed, EFT, emotion, emotionally focused therapy, family, feelings, forgive, forgiveness, happy, hold me tight, lasting, Love, new year's, partner, reconciliation, resolution, secure, trust
Marriage makes a difference to your brain – and the safety of your world.
We live in a co-habiting world. Many of us do not even bother to walk down the aisle anymore. So my neuroscientist colleague Jim Coan’s recent finding that our brains make a real distinction between formal marriage and living together in terms of how we deal with danger and threat is totally fascinating. (more…)
Tags: attachment, bonding, brain, calms, co-habiting, commitment, connection, couple, danger, distress, EFT, emotional, emotionally focused therapy, fear, freedom, hold me tight, living together, Love, marriage, neruoscience, pain, partner, relationship, responsive, safety, science, secure, stress, therapist, threat
To shape love, we have to be open and responsive, emotionally as well as physically. We can see what love encompasses in studies of the fluffy little titi monkey conducted by Bill Mason and Sally Mendoza of the University of California. Females nurse their babies but don’t offer any other maternal responses. (more…)
Tags: anxious, attachment, avoiding, blame, bonding, care, caretaking, caring, closeness, confide, connect, connection, connects, control, controlling, cuddle, desire, emotional, family, forgiveness, forgiving, guide, hold, needs, neglect, numbing, nurture, partners, performance, reach, relationship, respond, response, responsiveness, risk, romantic relationship, safe connection, secure, secure attachment, sex, sexuality, supportiveness
A quiet revolution has happened over the last 15 years – a revolution that we all need to know about. A revolution that – at last- makes sense of romantic love.
Tags: anxiety, anxious, attachment, balance, bonding, bonds, brain, connection, conversations, couples, distress, distressed, EFT, emotional, Emotionally Focussed Couples Therapy, Emotionally Focussed Therapy, feelings, help, Love, loved, loving, map, neuroscience, painful, partner, precious, relationship, repair, revolution romantic, safe, science, secure, security, soothes, soothing, strong, study, therapy, touch, understand, vulnerable
Attachment theory can help us understand sexuality better. In a secure attachment relationship, the three aspects of relatedness – sexuality, caregiving and attachment – are integrated. (more…)
Tags: affection, anxious, attachment, attachment theory, avoident, behavior, behaviour, bonding, caregiving, EFT, eroticism, hold me tight, openness, performance, play, reassurance, relationship, sealed-off sex, secure, sensation, sex, sexuality, solace sex, synchrony sex, therapy
The stock market is falling; mysterious codes called Nasdaq and Dow Jones are now at some record low. What does this mean for families, for couple relationships? (more…)
Tags: angry, anxiety, bonds, calm, complain, conflict, connection, couple, courage, create, danger, distancing, emotional, families, fight, financial, frustration, happy, hope, hormone, investment, irritability, job loss, lasting, long hours, Love, manage, market, marriage, military, money, mysterious, outbursts, oxytocin, pain, poverty, reassuring, recover, relationship, respond, salary cut, save, secure, source, stock market, stress, stronger, trigger