“The greatest gift one lover has to give another, is emotionally attuned attention and timely responsiveness.”
Dr. Sue Johnson
A secure bond is NOT just feeling familiar with someone and knowing that you can turn to them when you are troubled and need support. A secure bond is deeper than this. (more…)
Tags: attachment, bond, comfort, EFT, emotionally focused therapy, Love, safe, safety, secure, support, trust, vulnerability
Any researcher knows that, if you aspire to be an ‘objective’ scientist, you are not allowed to be passionately impressed by your own research. I am now going to break that rule. (more…)
Tags: attachment, bonds, brain, connection, couple, couples, EFT, emotion, emotionally focused therapy, family, fight, happy, Love, marriage, relationship, research, science, study, therapist, therapy
There are only so many dances in a love relationship.
The happier we are, the more fluid and varied the dance with our partner is. We feel safe together so we improvise and play.
But do you notice that, when we fight, the dance is always the same? It is narrow – small – not many moves. We feel like we have no options. The negative pattern takes over the relationship.
Tags: abandoned, advice, attachment, bored, conflict, connect, couples, couples therapy, dissatisfaction, EFT, emotional, emotionally, emotionally focused couple therapy, emotionally focused therapy, feelings, fight, forgiveness, help, hurt, lonely, Love, loved, loving, marriage, pain, painful, partner, pattern, psychology, rejected, rejection, relationship, relationship education, repair, safe, secure, security, sex, sexual, stress, stuck, therapist, therapy, trust, understand, vulnerability, vulnerable
In this New Year, fifteen years into the new century, I hope that in this year, we learn to deal better with (more…)
Tags: attachment, bond, closeness, connection, couple, distressed, EFT, emotion, emotionally focused therapy, family, feelings, forgive, forgiveness, happy, hold me tight, lasting, Love, new year's, partner, reconciliation, resolution, secure, trust
Watching my son graduate with his BA in Economics last week was quite a rite of passage – for all of us!
Tags: adventure, bonds, emotionally focused therapy, family, gratitude, grow, life, Love, parent, safety
Marriage makes a difference to your brain – and the safety of your world.
We live in a co-habiting world. Many of us do not even bother to walk down the aisle anymore. So my neuroscientist colleague Jim Coan’s recent finding that our brains make a real distinction between formal marriage and living together in terms of how we deal with danger and threat is totally fascinating. (more…)
Tags: attachment, bonding, brain, calms, co-habiting, commitment, connection, couple, danger, distress, EFT, emotional, emotionally focused therapy, fear, freedom, hold me tight, living together, Love, marriage, neruoscience, pain, partner, relationship, responsive, safety, science, secure, stress, therapist, threat