“We now begin to see love as intelligible and malleable.  We will be able to shift from an obsession with the FALL part of love to the MAKE aspect of love, and make this more than sexual connection.  We can develop confidence in our ability to work with and mold our most precious love relationships.  This changes everything!”


Dr. Sue Johnson


Three Kinds of Sex

 

Attachment theory can help us understand sexuality better. In a secure attachment relationship, the three aspects of relatedness – sexuality, caregiving and attachment – are integrated. Research says that securely attached couples tend to be more sexually satisfied and better at caregiving. In Hold Me Tight, I connect attachment strategies to habitual sexual behaviors. I suggest that there are three kinds of sex: synchrony sex, solace sex, and sealed-off sex. Synchrony sex is where eroticism, play, openness, and bonding come together and augment each other. In solace sex, more anxiously-attached partners tend to focus on reassurance and affection rather than on eroticism. The third kind of sex is sealed-off sex, where more avoidant partners focus mostly on sensation and performance. This kind of linking of sexuality and attachment – as a theory of romantic love – will enable us to integrate EFT and sex therapy interventions more and more effectively.

 

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